a long year. and some good news!

Since many of you have had our family in your prayers or have been asking me about the "job situation",  I thought it appropriate to let you all know that- finally- Jonathan has been offered a full-time, permanent job!

but, for those of you that don't know the full story (and most of you don't), I'd like to share with you what our last year has been like. and yes, this is "one of those" super long posts :]

 When we moved to Salem, OR one year ago (in April 2012) we came for a four month long, unpaid internship. Jonathan shadowed a recreation therapist at the state hospital for 10 hours a day, 4 days a week and soaked in as much experience as he could. He loved it. He would come home to me and say, "If I worked at the hospital here we would stay for a very, very long time." And we daydreamed about it all summer long. We dreamed of living in this beautiful, hilly green area for the summers to come- picking berries and going to the beach and camping in the amazing forested state parks. We fell in love with Oregon and couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

About halfway through his internship, he decided to take the big TR Exam which would qualify him as a nationally certified recreation therapist (granting him the job title but not the job). A former professor/career advisor back at BYU-I in Rexburg thought he was crazy- a lot of preparation and studying would go into this test and he should wait until his internship was over. It cost us a lot of money for him to take it, and we were already completely broke- but he felt that it was the right time, so he went ahead and took it. And he passed!

We were elated- here he was, all certified and doing his dream internship that would surely lead him in the right direction. His co-workers at the hospital told him he was one of the best interns they've ever had and that they really liked having him around. We were so very full of optimism.

As the four months came to an end, things got bleak. There was no promise of a job at the hospital. He waited around and asked around for any indication. Then one day the hiring manager called him into her office and told him that unfortunately, there were no open positions at the time. She told him to keep checking the state website and would he consider a part-time, temporary position as a mental health technician? He said no, because he knew we'd need a full-time paying job to pay off our debt and future bills (we came to find out later he wouldn't qualify for it anyway). At the time it seemed like a wise decision to only accept what would provide us with all that we needed.

We still had lots of hope, and he applied for dozens of full-time jobs online- in and out of state. He had interviews....many interviews--on the phone and some in-person--but when they required that he fly on a plane to interview in person we just couldn't do it. We didn't have the money, and it seemed unwise to invest in a job that we didn't know would work out. We began to feel desperate. We had had no income for 6 months and our debt was burying us. Our families were so kind to help, but there was still so much need. We were running on empty. After all, providing for two adults and two children is costly and there was just no way around that.

At last Jonathan was offered a job in Tennessee. It didn't pay well-- but it was a job. It was in a remote location, far from doctor's offices and grocery stores-- but it was a job. It offered no room for promotion or solid career experience--but it was a job. We were so torn. I couldn't stop crying and crying, and finally, after he had already accepted the job and after I had sent a check for an apartment there- it hit us. This wasn't the right job. We had jumped the gun because we were desperate, even though it felt off. We asked ourselves, "Are we being too picky? Do we need to be more humble and just take what we can?" But it was more than that...we were being humble and accepting that Heavenly Father had a plan for us and this wasn't it. And even though we didn't know what was ahead or how we would pay for those bills, we had to put our trust in the Lord.

So we stayed in Oregon...broke, job-less, miserable. Job prospects were plenty- many of them we felt good about, some of them we even prayed about. But something always went wrong and he wouldn't get it. A few times he was told, "We wanted to offer you the job but an internal employee decided to take it." Many of these jobs required experience, but how was he to get his foot in the door when no one would let him in? Would we ever catch a break?

Waves of sickness came and went over our family, and it seemed that I spent most my time in a dr's office and at the local pharmacy. I continued to use WIC and food stamps, grateful for government welfare but feeling that there were so many others that needed it more, which made me feel selfish. I know I was wrong for feeling that way but during those months, that's how it was. I avoided talking to anyone at church or playgroup because I was ashamed. I felt less than... we live in a wealthy area with doctors and lawyers and dentists aplenty. It was a dark time, and even though we didn't want to keep praying, we did. We knew that there had to be an end to this....eventually.

It was like that for the next 10 months. There were very bad days- weeks even- when I felt our family relationships crumble. Days when Jonathan and I questioned our marriage and future together. Satan had us in his grip--he led us to feel worthless and doubtful and terrified. Not to mention the enormous feelings of envy that ensued every time I'd get on Facebook and see so-and-so's newest thang or thingy-ma-bob.

Don't get me wrong, through it all we tried our hardest to count our blessings. We tried to be grateful and see the good side and laugh it off. We made comments like, "Some day, we'll look back on this and be so glad we aren't dealing with this anymore." or "When you get a real job it doesn't matter how much it will suck because anything is better than no job!" or "Perhaps one day I will be able to help someone else in this situation and that is why we're going through this crap now." But all those comments- as good as they sound in theory- were hurting us more. We weren't living in the NOW- we were living in the "some day"s.

We slowly learned to appreciate the goodness in our lives as it came to us--in the present. We saw our kids overcome their illnesses and be healthy & happy again. We made friends that sincerely welcomed us into their thoughts and prayers. We found ways to have fun as a family that didn't cost us anything. I could go on...but basically, we accepted our situation and tried really, really hard to find some sunshine in the storm.

There were still times when all seemed to be against us. It was not an easy year for us...in fact, it was hardest year we've had since being married. But it was also the most humbling... and strangely, the most fulfilling.

We were just beginning to feel like ourselves again when news from the hospital came that there were to be a few brand new openings. Jonathan applied right away for the therapist job and we anxiously awaited the interview. It took 8-ish weeks for the openings to be approved with the people downtown (they had to be approved before they could be posted online and applied for ). Finally the job posting was up and everything was in progress.  There was also a posting for a full-time, temporary recreation specialist- not what he wanted exactly but much MUCH better than his other options. After all, he could work at the hospital that he loved- get back in the game- form strong relationships with his superiors and possibly get a more permanent job down the road.

He got prepped by his old supervisor on what kinds of questions he would be asked during the big interview. He was ready. WE were ready! We wanted this to trial to end so we could go on with our lives.

While we waited for the interview date, Jonathan got a part-time job with UPS and helped deliver packages during the holidays. It was better than nothing, but it wasn't much. Still, we were grateful. The days following the interview were long ones, and it was something to keep him busy.

Christmas came, and the people in the ward showed us kindness beyond measure. It was then that we realized just how selfish we had been. We had spent so much time feeling sorry for ourselves for all the things we didn't have. Really, the only word I can think of for it was self-absorbed. I made a promise to the Lord that I would think of others more than myself.

He went to his interview, extremely nervous because everything was riding on this moment. Well, as luck would have it two days latter he got the news--he did NOT get the job. We learned that he was up against applicants with years of experience and master's degrees even. He never had a shot-- regardless of how well-liked he was. His four-year education just could not compete. That's how it is with state jobs- it is the law that they take the applicant who is the most qualified.

To say we were bummed would be a huge understatement. It was by far the darkest, most horrible time in this whole process. We truly thought this would be it. How perfect would it be to say that he eventually got his dream job back at the place he started, after being tested for 6 long months?

We felt stuck. What were we doing here? Shouldn't we just leave already? There are no jobs here...none for him at least. Why did Heavenly Father lead us to Oregon in the first place? Sure, we've had a good time but also a VERY trying time. We kept praying and felt that we should stay put and let some more peace into our hearts. Believe me, this was not easy. All those feelings of being humbled and accepting what was dealt to us faded away. I felt only one emotion now- and that was anger.

We wanted to be angry... but anger doesn't fix anything. Why spend our days feeling resentful when we could just brush it off and say, "You know what? Life is hard but I'm gonna be happy anyway, dangit!" That's how we made it through that time...just forced ourselves to smile and show our children that all was well-- even if it wasn't.

We went to our bishop to seek advice and comfort. He told us to hang in there and try to acquire some income any way we could. But we were trying...and we were hanging in there...and everyone else had said the same thing. I don't think that everyone understood that my husband was trying his very hardest to get a job- any job. We weren't just sitting around at home and watching tv all day. I was being a mother to our kids and he was home, not able to help me because he was busy finding jobs online and applying all day, every day. It was a terrible thing to have him there but not have him at all.

And then, our ward boundaries changed. We had a new bishop that invited us over to his house for dinner. He was kind, much like our old bishop, but a bit more personal about what we were going through. He told us, "God has tested you this long. I strongly feel that it will be over soon and you will be on the right path." As we were leaving his house, he put his hand on my shoulder, looked right at me and said "You will be okay. I know it. Hang in there."

They were the same words that our other bishop had said, that our friends and family members had said. But they felt different. I still don't know if it was because we were in a better place emotionally that night, or if it was the man who spoke them, or the way he said them. Tears welled in my eyes and for the first time, I believed it.

Randomly in the hallway at church, our old bishop walked by Jonathan and recommended him to Ashley Furniture, who needed someone to assemble furniture in their warehouse for a few months. He accepted the job and fully enjoyed being able to put tables and couches together while chumming it with the other guys there. It was good for him and he felt productive, which made me happy. On Valentine's Day (a few days after working at the warehouse), he got a phone call from the hospital that he would be hired on as a recreation specialist. And just like that, he was back at the hospital. We could hardly believe it. He worked at the warehouse until he started back at the hospital in March.

 Just a few weeks after working there, he got word that they would be opening some more therapist positions- quite a few more this time, actually. We kinda laughed it off and said, "Yeah..okay. Sure, like it will do any good for us." But he applied anyway and scheduled an interview. I told him a dozen times to put no expectations into this- that if it didn't work out then we would give up on the hospital after his temp job was done and move away- to anywhere, just out of this place. He felt the same way as me and there was no excitement this time around. We were just gonna do it and see what happened. We fasted and prayed, not that he would get the job but that we would be able to understand God's will for our little family. That, no matter what the outcome, we would not get angry. And for the next few weeks, there was a very clear- very valid- feeling of peace. Just peace. We still didn't know what would happen but we did know that it would all work out. We would be okay :)

He wasn't as nervous this time. He was calm and content with the situation. I have never seen him like that before and I loved him all the more for it. His interview went "good" he told me later and we didn't talk about it much after that. He got a call for second interview. Still, we didn't get our hopes up. I started wondering what life would be like in Utah or Idaho, because if this didn't work out we agreed we would move away. We stayed peaceful and tried to be happy.

On the day of his second interview, he called to tell me that he thought it went well and would probably get the official word in a few days. A few hours later he texted me:

"How are the kids tonight?"

to which I replied, "Fine. Just don't know what to do for dinner. We can't officially go out to celebrate since we don't officially know..."

I wanted an excuse to go out to eat, and not cook dinner with kids crawling over me....so I used him getting a job as one, when we didn't even know if he got it. So yeah, basically I just didn't want to make dinner :]

Then he called me and said, "It's unofficially official. I just spoke to M who was on the interview panel and he says they are giving me the job...but first I have to do a drug test and background check before I get the offer letter..."

he continued to talk about some other stuff  while I went into a trance...

"....so do you still wanna go out to eat?" he concluded.

and that's when I perked up a little and said, "Wait. So, you got it?"

"I guess so. So...yaaaay.... haha"

"Wow. Um, congratulations honey."

"Thanks."

And that is how that conversation went. I promise you- we WERE grateful, but after living so long like this, it just hadn't set in yet. It didn't feel real. Everything that had gone through made us emotionally numb and we couldn't truly be happy about this, not yet.

A week has gone by. We were walking around Ikea and he got a call that the official offer letter was in his inbox :] I can honestly say that, although it still hasn't set in, we are truly excited for this new adventure. And for all of you that have supported us through this trial, thank you for being there. We have such wonderful friends and family!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


whew...that was super long, sorry. I do think its important to write down these experiences so we can look back on them later. Although most of it I would like to forget, I don't think we could feel truly happy without remembering what it took to get to this point. Those times that we felt blessed while praying, or laughed at something our kid did, or talked through the tears to feel better were brighter moments because of the darkness surrounding them... and I don't ever want to forget that.

dear teething...

I hate you.

I miss my happy baby.  

this baby.

thank goodness for books. books are my friend.

they make my baby girl happy- NOT YOU. you can just go away!
 

seriously, though. three new teeth in one week including two molars. poor girly!

the ugly & the pretty

 THE UGLY

Well, I think it's pretty evident from my last two posts that life has been challenging lately. More specifically, parenthood has been challenging. I'm going to spend one paragraph confessing a few things about being a mom and then move on from this (because I know none of you want to hear the long list of my woes when many of you go through the same kinda stuff...mostly).

I yell. I spank. I threaten. I control. a lot. I also try my hardest not to do any of those things. I have issues with my anger. It is not a light subject for me. When I'm stressed about other things my anger goes up around my children. It is so high sometimes that I wonder if this is really me or someone else. I brought it up to my mom, who suggested that this problem may go deeper...and that I might have some sorting out to do. This is where I am now, and I'm content with knowing that I don't have all the answers. What I can do, for now, is hope for a better tomorrow. I can pray and feel blessed with all that is happy in my life. I can let things go a little more and laugh at my mistakes. I can stop comparing my natural talents to others. I can take a break from social media and focus more on my children. I can snuggle with my kids while watching endless amounts of Disney movies and not feel like a bad parent for letting them watch too much tv. I can ignore all the stigmas about what a good mom is and how perfectly balanced everything in my life needs to be. I AM HUMAN, and I can accept that I am.

ah. that felt good. now moving on!

THE PRETTY

To keep myself sane I have my creative outlets. I go through phases of what I like to do. Some days I just want to sit at my sewing machine all day long, others I feel like taking a million pictures and editing them for hours on end. And then there are really random days where I make a piece of jewelery or try out a new recipe or re-purpose an article of clothing. BY NO MEANS am I doing a stellar job with any of these but its something to keep my right-brain occupied :]

So, if any of you are itching to craft then maybe you can get inspired here. Most of these were very simple, cheap, and do-able in less than an hour.

These are my most recent projects (some of these I made months ago...just haven't gotten around to posting them. oops.)

flannel rag quilt: (see girl version here)

I started this quilt 3 days before T's 3rd birthday and it was nearly done by the time he opened it. I only had some more snipping left to do. It's finally all done and keeping him warm & snuggly at night!

spring wreathe with pearl pins:

I know...spring is almost over. But better late than never! Everything is held together with floral pins- no hot glue required! tutorial here.

burlap & ruffled lace table runner:

The french floral printed burlap was too perfect for our kitchen. I couldn't pass it up!  ( ps-I learned that burlap never goes on sale at Joanns, and when there's a half off coupon out they make it $1 off so you still basically pay full price. So I splurged a little and used a gift card that I had. It worked out nicely that they gave me the remnant for a discount. It's just a tad short for the table, but I also didn't have to pay as much. I'm content with that :D )

eggs in a nest necklace:
(a note with making jewelery: all you really need are some needle-nose pliers with a wire cutter, chain, jump rings, clasps, and beads. If you think you can't do it I promise you can. It is fun and girly- just try it! In high school I made earrings all the time and recently I've gotten into making necklaces. Just as easy but more fitting to my style these days. If you can call it that...ha)

 I wanted to learn how to make these for Mother's Day gifts. I love how delicate it turned out. tutorial here.

crystal pave droplet necklace:

Found this crystal bead in my old jewelery stash and thought it was too pretty to not go on the end of a long silver chain.

colorful tribal necklace:

These beads were on sale and I had to use them on something. I LOVE vibrant and colorful stuff!

woman's plus-sized shirt into pencil skirt:

The shirt is from Goodwill for less than $1. It was an outlet store and everything was in bins. You pay per lb. Since it was a women's shirt the material was a little stretchy- perfect for a pencil skirt!

embellished flip-flops:

My friend Shae has a coupon blog here, and she posted a coupon for .50 flip-flops from Target. I got some black ones and made fabric flowers to stick on them- wallah! You can use any old shoes to embellish.

topiary stands:

These are fake, but they still add a little something to a space. Topiary balls and floral foam are from Joanns. The sticks I picked up outside (haha) and the tin is from Goodwill. I covered the base with moss from the dollar store.

chalkboard dinner tray:

For writing menus, notes, whatever... tutorial here.

The projects below I made at a Relief Society craft night. I love our craft nights! They usually run until 11:30 pm if you can believe that.
sidenote: The activity committee that plans these things is amazing. They have it all set up in stations and then they stay super late to clean it all up. I am so grateful for people who love their callings and do them so well!

quote plaques: sanded blocks of wood with paper mod-podged on top, then a few brass or silver studs hammered into the corners.

chalkboard banner: particle board triangles painted over twice with chalkboard paint and strung with hemp. This was harder to photograph because it was very, very long- but you get the idea.

paper clip earrings: (these are fun to make while watching tv...just wrap a paper clip- bent into a triangle- in embroidery thread and dab some E600 glue every once in a while to keep it in place. the glue can be found at Walmart.)

I got some projects brewing in my mind...FHE board, ties and bow ties, more skirts for myself, headbands for C, more paper crafts, sippy straps and possibly a camera strap...gah! If I do too much at once I get overwhelmed. But it keeps me busy! And it's a good distraction from the stresses of life...

In fact, I should probably be focusing on the mister's birthday that is in 4 days (hence the birthday banner..). I have no idea what to do for him. No plans...he says he will still love me if we do nothing, but I want to show him that he is important to me! To US! He keeps this family together. Ideas?? My mind is a blank slate...

one fine day (part II)

Up until that point all that she had thought about was how difficult her life was, how hard this day was on her, how her job as a mother was faltering. As the exasperated mother (we will call her L) sat on the park bench, she heard the following conversation from two women behind her:

"...I just can't keep up. She wants to do one thing and I want to do another- yet I don't want to argue with her so I let her have her way. It's easier than fighting...I am so tired..."
"Oh honey, I know. At this age you just gotta tell them how it's gonna be. Lay down the rules."
"I know...but I feel pushed around in so many directions...I need an out, but she needs ME."

The rest of the chat went somewhat like that-- and as she overheard little bits here and there, it was clear that L was not the only frustrated mom that day.

L stood up, turned around and walked towards the women. Nervously, she spoke up.

"Hi. I promise I wasn't prying, but I couldn't help but hear some of what you said. And I just have to tell you that I have been having the same kind of feelings..it is so hard. How old is your daughter?"

She was two, and she playing happily on the slide with the boy with a band-aid on his knee. She was also beautiful, her golden locks swaying in the breeze. Looking at her, one would think "What an adorable little girl" but in her mother's eyes she was the cause of desperation. She was the one person in the world that could pull her heartstrings in many directions at once.

This made L take pause. Looking at her own children, she knew she loved them endlessly and would give her life for them. She knew that others could see how sweet and beautiful they were. But she also knew that there were days when she didn't like them that much. Plain and simple.

The two young mothers sat and talked and shared and laughed and sighed together. They both felt the weight of motherhood heavy on their shoulders. But somehow, talking to a complete stranger about it made it a little more bearable.

And then suddenly, something amazing happened.

The daughter's mom spoke aloud- to no one in particular. Almost a mutter, but it came out very clear...
"Sometimes I think that there's got to be more. That somewhere, there are answers. I want to know that God has a plan for me."

L sat beside her, awestruck. This was a golden moment. And all at once she understood why her day was going badly, why her husband had to come home to prompt her to go outside, why after the boo-boos and temper tantrums she had to be here to meet this woman. This was bigger than her- bigger than her "problems". She felt Heavenly Father's love around her like a warm blanket. No more anxiety, no more stress. She knew her purpose today. She felt peace at last.

What to say....how to say it...her mind raced. She had been praying and fasting for an opportunity like this. She never, ever thought it would come so easily. This mother was suffering- she wanted more. A golden moment.

The stranger went on to say, "I have wanted to go back to church, but I just don't know where to go."

and then L knew exactly what she had to say.

"God does have a plan for you. I know it. I am a firm believer that He is aware of every individual. It sucks when we go through this kind of pain, but I really feel that it's the only way we grow."


After a few minutes of chit-chat, the two mothers got up to leave and L spoke again.

"You mentioned wanting to go to church sometime. If you're interested, you can come with me. That way at least you will kind of know someone. I'd be happy to give you my number. And oh, haha...by the way, my name is L. It is so nice to meet you."

The other woman smiled gratefully and said, "Hi. I'm R. It's nice to meet you, too."

As L walked her children home, she felt...calm. Nothing could bother her. It didn't matter that there were piles of laundry and dishes awaiting her, or hungry mouths to feed and little bodies to wash and dress for bed. All that went on earlier was of no more importance. The last few weeks of hardship had led her to this point, she just knew it.

It was so incredibly humbling and she wanted the feeling to last forever.

'God has a plan. He has a plan for me...'

Perhaps it was one very fine day, after all. 

one fine day

She closed the bedroom door behind her and gasped loudly, cupping her mouth with her trembling hands. Shutting out the cries and screams in the next room, she let her mind go to mute. On the floor her body rocked rythmicaly back and forth as she soothed herself into a trance. The trance broke too suddenly and she could do nothing but cry. Cry and cry. She prayed, she moaned, she cried some more. Her head spun and her heart raced. She felt like a failure of a mother.

There she sat, for a full half hour while her children continued to plead for her attention. She replayed the scenario in her head...

half an hour earlier:

"Mooooooom. I want to go fast fast. PUSH ME."

One of those days again... she thought grudgingly. Lately it is always one of those days...

"I can't push you, son. I can only help you because I am holding your sister."

"But I want to go FAST!" He refused to pedal forward on his own, still not sure how to make the bike that he sat on move. 

"Okay...just one second. Let me put her down in the grass. Hold on." The tired mom of two plopped her baby in the wet grass and quickly pushed her son on the bicycle. She glanced behind her and noticed a chubby figure waddle into the street. 

In seconds she swooped up her daughter and breathed a sigh of relief. She was faced once again with a screaming 3 year old.

"Okay! You know what? Let's go put the bike back and walk to the park. How about that?" She so desperately wanted to stay outside in the sunshine- that glorious sunshine that she'd been out of for the last 3 days because she knew that taking the kids outside would cause chaos. And she was right.

"NO!!!! I no want to go to park! I want to ride my bike!" Ride. Yeah, right. He wanted to be pushed for five miles, more like.

The battle from son to mother to wiggly baby commenced, until enough was enough. The mom grabbed the bike in her free hand and carried it to the back porch a few yards away, balancing her baby on her hip with the other. Her son screamed louder and ran away in the opposite direction. Her only option was to place the fussy baby inside, close the screen, and chase after him. It was going to be a really long day.

Once inside, she did her fair share of yelling and spanking to "fix" the situation, only making it worse and making her heart sink to the pit of her stomach. She was not calm, she was not kind, she was not gentle. In that moment, she hated what she was. That mom who yells and spanks and loses her cool. so. very. easily. 

Behind the bedroom door she tried to muffle her cries, tried to stop the sobbing- but she couldn't. All the anger and fear and shame from the past few weeks rose up within her and formed a ball of mush in her throat. Is this a panic attack? she wondered. Possibly. All she knew was that she needed someone to make it stop. She tried to pray but could not speak or think clearly. In a haze she grabbed her phone and punched the button to call her husband.

"I know you're on break. Were you going to call me?" Great, now she was making the person she loved most feel guilty. Great start.

"My lunch break just started- I was about to call you. Everything okay?" He was well aware of the difficult times she had been having at home.

They talked for a bit, but she couldn't really explain. She was sobbing too much still. He left work and drove home, keeping her on the line the entire time and trying to calm her down. When he arrived they sat on their bed and went over every detail of the day and every emotion she felt.

"I will try not to go 'therapist' on you and just be a husband counseling with his wife," he assured her.
"Okay...that would be nice. Just don't stop talking to me."

There they sat and talked until he had to return to work. He gave her inspired advice and she actually felt that God was speaking through him, telling her exactly what she needed to hear.

One thing he advised was to take the kids back outside after their naps. "It doesn't matter if they are cranky or won't listen or don't deserve it. Take them anyway. For you. You need to be outside and breathe in fresh air. Don't focus on being the perfect mommy. Be there to nurture and protect- that is all. Do not try and discipline them today."

When they woke up she did as promised as took them back outside. Within minutes her son walked the curb (something she warned him not to do countless times before), fell and skid his knee. Blood dripped from his leg and he yelled at her that it hurt. Her first instinct was to take them both right back inside and forget it. But then she heard her sweet husband's voice whisper, "Take them anyway. For you."

"This is what we're going to do. Let's go inside and clean it up and put a band-aid on the owie, then we'll go to the park."

A while later, they approached the quiet park where a few other kids played. Her son had a new band-aid on his knee and he was all smiles. Her daughter, who sat in the stroller, could not care less- but she was content.

As she walked the stroller over to the bench, she noticed another young mother sitting at a picnic table. They glanced at one another for one brief second, and as quickly as it happened a peaceful feeling came over her. For some reason, she strongly felt that she was to talk to this woman. She knew it just as sure as she knew that the sun was shining.

Normally she didn't talk to anyone at this park. How was this time any different? But the prompting was undeniable. She just had to say something.

Waiting for the right moment to say hello (and not come across totally awkward) , she took her seat on the bench.

As she waited, she couldn't help but hear the conversation that this young woman was having with the older lady beside her. In just the two minutes that she listened, she could hardly believe what she heard. Great big tears welled up in her eyes, and she shut them tight in her moment of awe.

to be continued...

recap: 3rd birthday & miss cutie

T's birthday was splendid :]

We kept it low-key and it worked out perfectly (aside from 1st birthday, I'm not huge on planning parties). We were able to skype with both grandparents during the present-opening and cupcake-eating parts. So even though it was just us it felt like most of our family was there!

Talmage is much more into unwrapping gifts at this age. He really goes at it! It's fun to watch his face light up with every little thing he opens.

His dad got him a fishing pole that is just his size. If anyone knows my husband they know that fishing is his FAVORITE thing in the whole world- so needless to say he is pretty stoked about the idea of taking his son fishing!

The big present from us was a new bike (and first one ever!) But since it wouldn't come for a few more days we wrapped his helmet and explained to him that a bike was to follow. I don't think he fully grasped what we were saying but he was excited about the helmet, ha... oh, and also the markers from his Mimi ;]

We ended with some yummy cupcakes and singing "happy birthday" with all of the family over skype. I realized that minute that I didn't have any birthday candles so he blew out a normal jarred one. oops!

When his bike finally arrived, he kept saying "can I ride it now?". Even though he's still learning how to peddle he was very happy to be on that thing and never wanted to get off.

Another "gift" that was more necessity than anything was a new car seat. Charlotte outgrew her infant one a long time ago and we were never able to upgrade her to a bigger seat. So finally we decided to use his birthday as an excuse to get him a booster car seat. C now sits in his old convertible car seat and she loves her comfy & roomy throne..haha. And now that they both face forward, long drives are much easier (plus now she can see the dvd player so she's entertained). I kind of wish we would have done this sooner....it was much needed.

Meanwhile, Charlotte has been fighting teething and a cold. But she's still happy and cute. Here's some of my favorites from the last few weeks...

"Bunny"- her new lovey

I get the best pictures of her in the swing- probably because she's happiest and sits still long enough...so you may see many more "swing pictures" in the future.

My birthday is in two days and I refuse to make it a big deal, but Jonathan keeps hinting at some kind of surprise. I can't wait to see! And my mom and mom-in-law must be on the same track of mind because they both sent Joanns gift cards (craft posts to come very soon!)--but really I was thrilled to have some extra crafting money because it seems like I haven't made anything in a while. And it is my therapy...so you can imagine :]

The biggest surprise of all came yesterday. My dad called to let me know that two "little" packages were coming. A few hours later they came, except one of them was the size of our tv! We opened it and Jonathan said "No way...you're not gonna believe this, Linz." It was the newest iMac desktop--the smaller package was a cd drive. I was in shock. 1) I am not used to having nice things. pretty much everything I've owned electronic-wise has been a hand-me down (no complaints there- I've always loved them!) and 2) I have desperately been needing a new computer as my laptop is almost near its end and won't hardly charge. So this was the perfect thing for me...when I called my dad back to thank him profusely, he said "Now you have a nice big screen to edit your pictures on!" ah. he shares my love of photography and totally gets me. :] I can also finally use Adobe Photoshop & Lightroom now that I have a fast enough processor. woohoo!

I hope yall have a wonderful, sunshine-y week! As for me, I will try not to use all my spare time confined in the the bedroom & playing on my new computer. no promises, though.

tulip fields

I have so much of picture-catching-up to do, but it's a lot of work to put all of them on the blog. I put all our newest pics on FB so if you'd like to look at them there feel free :] maybe in the near future I will put just my favorites on here (I still need to post about T's birthday!). For now, I only want to write about our day in Woodburn!

It's been beautiful & sunny here lately, but in a random pattern: rainy, rainy, cloudy, rainy, SUNNY, rainy, then SUNNY again. ha.

On the sunny days we try to take full advantage cause it could be an entire week before the next nice day. Tuesday was the perfect day to do something outside since Jonathan was home AND it was gorgeous weather. So we went to the tulip festival!

Last year we saw the tulips for the first time and we came near the end of the festival so a lot were already dead or wilting. But this year we must have come at the perfect time because they were so big & bright & full.

 

umm yeah, T totally picked one. oops.

Of course we had to take an applesauce break :]

 

 

There was a kid's area that Talmage loved more than anything- of course! He especially liked this tall, bumpy slide that I thought was terrifying. I went down it once and it actually kinda hurt...lol...but the boys thought it was awesome.

It's outings like this that remind me how beautiful Oregon is and how grateful I am to be living here. More than anything, I'm grateful for my little family that I can spend time with constantly! We've all been much happier individuals in these past few weeks- for a lot of reasons that maybe I'll go into later. I just want to enjoy this time that we have while our kiddos are young, even though that is incredibly hard to do some days. and perhaps I could spend more time counting my blessings...because there sure are more of them than I realize.

I can't wait till our next outing! Please, rain...stay away for a while!