Saturday, September 26, 2009

Child of Mine

One of my closest friends from the younger years had her baby today. I just can't believe she is a mommy already and how much she has prepared herself for this time...and I can't believe that in 6 months I will be in her shoes...laying in a hospital bed with a tiny child in my arms...I have to be honest. I'm scared to death.

How much do I really understand about newborns? I know that all those motherly instincts are supposed to kick in or whatever...but something tells me its a little more than that. I am doing everything in my power right now to prepare myself for that day, but I still don't feel like it's enough. I don't doubt that I will love my child, in fact at 3 months I am already starting to feel that love. But there are so many do's and dont's. The worst thing ever would be for someone to look at me with my baby and think, "Is that the mother? Does she know what she's doing?" I've had recurring nightmares about this...and this morning Jonathan said he had a bad dream, too. It was a little different from mine, but it's apparent that the anxiety is present in both our minds. Augh...I'm doing my best to not worry about it, but days like this are hard to escape. I mean, Chelse gave BIRTH. To a HUMAN BEING. Is that not just a little daunting? I don't think I've ever known someone so personally who had a hits a different level of emotion. It's much more real.

I know I should give myself more credit. I am a good person and I know how I want to raise my kids. Every day in Child Nutrition I come up with new things my children will or will not do. But what about that whole other realm of ..nurturing? Being there every moment of the day for that little person..

Every time I see an infant my eyes linger on their sweet faces and I feel just that more overwhelmed that someday I'll be responsible for one. Before getting pregnant, I thought through this and felt that I was ready. Maybe I should tack a sign on the bathroom mirror reminding myself of that...or not, cause I always thought that was cheesy. Or maybe I will just keep praying for the assurance that all is well.

Monday, September 14, 2009

La la la Lindsey...

So, it's apparent to me now that not many people actually read this blog...haha. Of course there are the exceptions: my beautiful and forever best friend and loving sister-in-law are always leaving encouraging comments. But I just think it's funny because I spend quite a bit of time perusing through the blogs listed on the right side of the margin there and I wonder if they even give a fleeing thought about how I am doing. Eh, I know it's nothing personal. And to be honest, it is sort of a relief. I feel more confident saying personal things knowing that those others who are close to me probably know about it anyway. And no this is not a pity moment. If nothing else I love the fact that I accomplish something so satisfying as writing yet another post and adding pictures that mean the world to me. I love all my family, too, and I'm certain they have better things to do then read about Lindsey.

That being said, the days are constantly getting better. For anyone who hasn't heard through the grapevine or facebook God forgive I am 10 weeks pregnant. And a few weeks ago I was puking all over the place. I won't go into much detail since I have a pregnancy journal that serves that purpose but holy mackerol...I didn't think it would ever get better. I couldn't eat, sleep, sit, walk without getting sick. And now, I feel much stronger and fall is arriving- my favorite season :) I'm taking classes again and it's GREAT. I love them all and most will prepare me for the coming year as a mother, which works out just dandy. I am making new friends, expanding my comfort zone, and seeing more blessings come into view. And, as a lasting note, I feel very humbly blessed to be given the opportunity to bring a spirit of God into this world and be his/her mother. I'm scared to death, but I've never been more sure of anything.

A lot has already changed, but I feel that Heavenly Father is progressively molding me into the person I will become. The kinder, more patient, more cautious person. But this blog isn't about me. It says "The Dennett's" at the top because it was created for the sharing of both Jonathan's triumphs and mine.

I am really very proud of Jonathan. He is taking on some tough courses this semester but has nothing but a positive attitude about it. He has recently invested himself in the building of his own fly-rod. Someday I think he'd like to do this professionally, but that is time and money far from now. I'm so amazed at his knowledge of the intricacies in fly-fishing. It is truly an art and he is a master. He takes others out fishing and offers to teach many how to fly-fish. He is so kind and generous with his talent that it makes me want to share something I'm good at...though I may need to figure out just what that is. He also ties his own flies with all these complicated tools and things. It just blows me away.

But Jonathan isn't just great at the fishing stuff. He recently accepted the calling of Sports Coordinator for the Elder's Quorum and is really excited. He gets to put together different sports teams and coordinate inter-mural matches. He says it's just like what he'll be doing later in life- getting people together and having a good time. I love him for this. I love his enthusiasm and tenderness. I love that he doesn't get impatient with me when I think I suck at everything. Alongside of the gospel, he is truly the greatest blessing in my life.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Into The Woods

Ah...I love Idaho :)

Coming to live in Rexburg nearly 2 years ago, I didn't know what to expect. And frankly the small, college town was a horribly deceptive image of the rest of the state. Here in town it is dusty, dirty, and boring. Having the opportunity to drive miles and miles past Rexburg's borders has been an eye-opening experience. Last week was my first time seeing the real Idaho landscape- and it is breathtaking. The towering hills, jagged mountain ranges, and abundance of fresh-water streams and rivers are nothing that can be described simply. And spending it with the only person that matters made it even more wonderful.
First off, I needed this vacation. There has been a lot on our plate lately as a newly married couple and the stresses of the independent life have been slowly crushing us inward. Regardless of what our life may seem like to others, we struggle to keep ourselves out of fearful waters. The good news is that we love one another madly and wholly- and so no matter what comes our way, we come out stronger.
As a recent developement, I have felt heavily the judgement of others regarding the kind of person that I am. I try to keep out of the drama crap, but sometimes it just can't be ignored. While we were away, I came to the conclusion that I can't let anyone else decide how good, how true, how pulled-together I am. My ambitions and accomplishments are great to me. My sincerity towards others is not a show. I have an immense love for my friends and family, whether they realize that or not. The decisions that I make with my husband are the very best for us every time. We aren't perfect, but we sort of know what we're doing.

And so here are some of the memories from last week. It was a glorious time, in every way.Uncle Gerald's little part of the Payette. It was low enough to splash in with the pups :)
Our teeny tiny cabin in Grandjean. It contained: one wood stove, one chair, and one cozy bed.
Jonathan in his element :) We went to several little lakes and water holes up in the mountains.Grandjean resort has horses for trail rides. They were very friendly! Especially with horse whisperer here...I sat on this raft while J fished...and the dragonflies couldn't get up out of my face, lol..
The dining area at The Lodge where we ate all our yummy meals :)Just a burnt forest that looked cool on the drive to Stanley- one of Jonathan's favorite places in Idaho.This view of the Sawtooth Range was definitely the best part of the trip. I could see why he likes Stanley so much, as its so close to the mountains. And they have rockin pizza :)

Overall it was a great time. The fresh air, beautiful landscape, and exercise did wonders for me. And I could tell that Jonathan was truly happy in the place where he belongs.