Today I took my friend Breeann wedding dress shopping. She looked SO BEAUTIFUL in all the dresses she tried on. And her face lit up like gold when she talked about her fiancee'. She was worried about the wedding plans but still the most happy I've ever seen her. Later when we met up with him they couldn't take their eyes off of each other...
I took a moment (okay, maybe a few hours) to remember when I felt that way. A blushing bride with a new future ahead of her- so different and stressful but so EXCITING. More than anything I've ever experienced. We were inseparable, our eyes glowing from our hearts that were on fire when we were pronounced husband and wife. I remembered the way we danced, the way he held my hand throughout the evening and never let go.
I sat alone in my apartment and turned into a reflecting ball of mush. First I got out my scrapbook of all the wedding cards, saying things like, "Best wishes for a life together" and "May you be blessed all your days." That was nice for a while.
I wanted to see more, to open up the curtain to the past just a little wider. How could 5 months fade out the most wonderful details? I dug through the stacks of DVDs to find our wedding day slideshow that our photographer made for us. I watched four times through and cried every time. I wondered to myself, "Are we that much different now...?"
Sure, we had financial kinks to work out. What newly married couple didn't? And more often now we get on each other's nerves more easily...but didn't we always work it out? There are days when we have trouble saying everything we mean to say. Sometimes it seems like other couples smile more when they are together.
But- I couldn't keep my eyes off of his. And that's when I knew that we hadn't lost anything at all.
I married the one man that will not go to sleep until I have. The one person who has seen all my dark and perceives only light. I married the boy that I fell in love with almost instantly and never stopped loving. Who loves the other more, after all? I don't think it is even a possibility that one could win that game. We continue to grow and love through these beginning days of a future somewhere- a beautiful future.
When it was all done, I didn't mind being an ex-bride.