Friday, March 2, 2012

1 + 1

I am going to vent. Just  a little.
Don't judge me...cause I'm running on about 3 hours of sleep.

The blissful haze of bringing a sweet new baby home has faded and reality has set in. Jonathan has his normal work hours again, leaving me at home all day alone. It is not easy taking care of two kids under 2 yo. It is rough. And exhausting.

Don't get me wrong- I am still so enamored with Charlotte and love her to pieces. She fits into our little family perfectly- like the piece of the puzzle that we never knew was missing. But the combination of recovering from giving birth, learning once again how to breastfeed, the pains that come along with breastfeeding (including a mild case of mastitis already darnit), constantly being peed on puked on, sleep deprivation, and juggling the needs of two children at once has sort of overwhelmed me in a way I didn't know was possible. When I'm doing something with one I feel guilty for not catering to the other. I don't know how we make it through the course of a day, and I hardly remember what goes on at night. Excuse my language but every morning I feel just plain shitty. I feel like crawling into a ball and going to sleep. It's not that I'm ungrateful for these two beautiful children, but I don't know how to handle taking care of them, my husband (who is currently sick), and myself.The routine I had down pat just a few weeks ago is now unpredictable chaos.

Ok, vent over.

I've been saying a lot of prayers lately, and that has helped immensely. I can feel Heavenly Father giving me the physical strength I need to carry on, and helping me to see the positive in a situation. I love the days where I can make quality time for each child, especially with Talmage because he will remember if I neglect him. I love when I get to nap with Charlotte, her warm little body cuddled in my arm. I'm still working on how to give time to Jonathan, but that may take awhile. As for myself, long hot baths are a refuge. Also the gals in my ward have been amazing, bringing food and having Talmage over for play dates with their kids. Yes, I'm not the ONLY young mother of two in the ward. There are a few others and simply put... they rock. I feel so blessed to have their support and empathy. I thrive on their encouragement & advice. Hopefully I can be in their boat someday helping someone else figure it out.

I've been told that it takes a few more weeks to get the hang of things, and I so look forward to that. I want routine again. I want predictable! Of course there's always some flexibility...(what's parenthood without some surprises along the way?) and I accept that. I just hope life gets a bit more manageable before we up and move at the beginning of April.

In the meantime, I will continue to try and tackle the never-ending laundry... ha...


Tyler and Kelly said...

I totally can relate to this when Carter came along. Hang in there, and you can always vent to me!

The Garlands said...

If you ever need help let me know!!!!! I'm so willing to help especially with packing as this month is quickly going to fly by i'm sure. Plus with Tim home right now I'm always available. :)

Emily said...

Hang in there Linds! I can't imagine two- I'm still learning how to handle just 1- but you are doing such a great job, I'm sure. If I was there I would come help! Sending you love and prayers!

The Leders! said...

This song "who you are" by LDS singer Hilary Weeks always comforted me shortly after Ellie was born! Hope it helps! It'll get better :)

Christy Bracken said...

I sincerely love your honesty about life and how having not one but two children is hard.

I'm so worried about having another one for the exact reasons you have wrote about. I'm sure your doing an amazing job though and wish so bad I could be there to help, because you were so wonderful to me when I was struggling with being a new mommy. Love ya and hang in there.

Jill said...

the adjustment to having two was hard for me...that and I had post partum depression with the second one which made things really hard. THings that helped me...1)just having a good cry to get it out. 2)one time a week that you get all to yourself to go (fun not just grocery) shopping, the temple,the library, a walk, anyhting by yourself. 3) don't put expectations on yourself..."I should be able to juggle two kids and the house and cooking..." 4)Say "I can do hard things" over and over to yourself. 5)Have a friend over to play with talmage while you clean or shower or cook.
6)reach out to other moms 7)when charlotte eats, feed Talmage a snack or his lunch. That was a major break through for me. the timing of feeding both kids at the same time really really helped. 8) this link will take you to an episode on the mormon channel. it's an interview with Pres. Hinckley's daughter, she talks about being a young mother and having a hard time. It helped me so much. luck Linsdsey, the first year is the roughest, but it gets way easier when they are weaned. I'm glad I had mine close together even though the first year was really hard because now they play together and I love watching their friendship grow. and something to remember is always ok to admit that it's hard. Just because something is hard doesn't mean it's bad or you don't like it. some of the hardest things in life we love the most. like marathon runners. none of them will say it's easy or enjoy every bit of training, but all of them enjoy the end product.