I am going to vent. Just a little.
Don't judge me...cause I'm running on about 3 hours of sleep.
The blissful haze of bringing a sweet new baby home has faded and reality has set in. Jonathan has his normal work hours again, leaving me at home all day alone. It is not easy taking care of two kids under 2 yo. It is rough. And exhausting.
Don't get me wrong- I am still so enamored with Charlotte and love her to pieces. She fits into our little family perfectly- like the piece of the puzzle that we never knew was missing. But the combination of recovering from giving birth, learning once again how to breastfeed, the pains that come along with breastfeeding (including a mild case of mastitis already darnit), constantly being peed on puked on, sleep deprivation, and juggling the needs of two children at once has sort of overwhelmed me in a way I didn't know was possible. When I'm doing something with one I feel guilty for not catering to the other. I don't know how we make it through the course of a day, and I hardly remember what goes on at night. Excuse my language but every morning I feel just plain shitty. I feel like crawling into a ball and going to sleep. It's not that I'm ungrateful for these two beautiful children, but I don't know how to handle taking care of them, my husband (who is currently sick), and myself.The routine I had down pat just a few weeks ago is now unpredictable chaos.
Ok, vent over.
I've been saying a lot of prayers lately, and that has helped immensely. I can feel Heavenly Father giving me the physical strength I need to carry on, and helping me to see the positive in a situation. I love the days where I can make quality time for each child, especially with Talmage because he will remember if I neglect him. I love when I get to nap with Charlotte, her warm little body cuddled in my arm. I'm still working on how to give time to Jonathan, but that may take awhile. As for myself, long hot baths are a refuge. Also the gals in my ward have been amazing, bringing food and having Talmage over for play dates with their kids. Yes, I'm not the ONLY young mother of two in the ward. There are a few others and simply put... they rock. I feel so blessed to have their support and empathy. I thrive on their encouragement & advice. Hopefully I can be in their boat someday helping someone else figure it out.
I've been told that it takes a few more weeks to get the hang of things, and I so look forward to that. I want routine again. I want predictable! Of course there's always some flexibility...(what's parenthood without some surprises along the way?) and I accept that. I just hope life gets a bit more manageable before we up and move at the beginning of April.
In the meantime, I will continue to try and tackle the never-ending laundry... ha...