Saturday, January 5, 2013

being BRUTALLY honest here

I'm not really sure what is inspiring me to write this post. Maybe it's the ever rising annoyance of reading blogs that portray a "perfect" lifestyle, or my insane jealousy over what other people have or can do (darn that green-eyed monster!) , or maybe because I fear that I come across too...peachy... sometimes.
(I also think that being broke for so long has put things in perspective...)

First off, no one's life is perfect. I know that. Anyone pretending that rule doesn't apply to them know it. Heavenly Father knows it, and that's why he gave us the Savior- to atone for our imperfections. It seems like a pretty simple concept yet people are still trying to "out" everyone else, have their bar set a little higher.

I love Facebook for lots of reasons but I almost dread logging in much bragging about this and that. It's one thing to be happy about something but you can tell when it's just showing off. I'm happy for them and all but there is a right and humble way to share your good fortune. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

I have stopped reading a lot of blogs that make me feel less than. Some of these belong to friends and some are professional DIY blogs. I don't like feeling bad, and by bad I mean not a good wife/mother because I can't do a lot of projects on account of our income and my apartment isn't tidy and I'm not fashionable and my kids don't look perfect and sweet all the time.

I hope that no one has ever felt this way while reading my blog. I am so far from perfect and our little family is going through a LOT right now. I try to be honest and real about our crazy life but avoid writing about the really personal things that we are dealing with. I respect my husband too much, and some things are better between just us and the Lord. There's nothing wrong with someone who wants to be *completely* honest on a public blog, but for me I feel that the line should be drawn somewhere. 

But there are things I don't mind being brutally honest about.

Here are just a few:

I rarely get on Pinterest anymore. It's overwhelming and I tire of being endlessly distracted.
I barely use Instagram because it's a little too hipster trendy for me.
I only wear makeup on Sunday. Most days of the week my hair is in a wet bun. I shaved my legs today for the first time in 3 weeks. The majority of my wardrobe consists of pjs and old t-shirts. And I'm beginning to break out all over my face. Paint a pretty picture?
I'm not very social. The bulk of my friends are on FB. I'm secretly glad I was called to Primary because I don't interact much with the women in the ward. It's not that I don't think they are nice, I just don't have much confidence in myself being a friend to others. I am working on this.
I live in a small apartment in a shady area of town. I wish I had a house with a white picket fence and enormous windows.
If I ever become a working mom, I have no idea what I'll do. My degree was in General Studies.
I thought I was a good photographer until I got a real camera, now I'm not sure. 
I'm sad that I never got to travel anywhere exotic before having kids. We all want to take vacations.
I try to be crafty.  Sometimes I even convince myself that I'm super crafty, but everything I've ever made I've ripped off of Pinterest or some blog. So creativity is lacking.
There are a lot of things about myself that I am working at. Being a more patient mother who doesn't yell so much is one of them.
I can act extremely childish at times. Thank goodness for a husband that keeps me grounded and helps me act my age. 
My children are my world, but sometimes I want to shut them in the bedroom together and go take a bath, or go for a walk, or go on a date. I miss husband time.

I love me, but I know that the me that I am is not perfect. Today's concept of total perfection is a disservice to women everywhere. We can and should strive to be better and that is all we can do.

Jonathan and I on New Year's Eve. At home on our couch, doing nothing in particular. I have no makeup on and wet hair. This is how we party :)

 I should add that I do love my life. I feel so blessed each day for different reasons and I'm in awe of the Lord's tender mercies towards me and my family. I'm aware of the fact that we are a young couple still establishing ourselves in the world. There will be a time for all the things we want to buy and places to travel to and major tasks to accomplish. It can't all happen at once. For now it's the little things that make me happy.

I'm just a tad nervous to click the "publish" button...but this is me being honest. Take it or leave it.


Nancy said...

I read this today and I loved it: Drops of Awesome

You're awesome, one drop at a time. And if in the end your awesome bucket isn't full, there's the atonement. should see my house! Bahahaha! :)

The Garlands said...

I know how you feel! Our place is a disaster most of the time. I try hard to keep up with it. I also read the Drops of Awesome blog and it was great reminder of although we're not prefect we have the help of the Atonement to make up the difference.

Jayme Searle said...

I hate this time of year especially because everyone is posting HUGE Christmas gifts that they received, it's not that I'm ungrateful for what I did get and have, it just seems like bragging about having money. A nice reminder to us that we are still poor. Haha

A.S.K. said...

I love you, Lindsey, and I have some of the same feelings as you. Sometimes I become so discouraged that I can't make our home look as put together as other people's and that I can't be super crafty. I've just started focusing on the good things, though. I've been taking things one day at a time, and I'm trying to worry about the things that I CAN do. You are amazing for writing this post. You are a wonderful wife and mother. And you are a wonderful friend.

Joe and Bree said...

I know how you feel! A girl in my ward once told me that she refused to be one of THOSE moms that stayed in their pajamas all day and never did their hair or make-up. She said it was so awful that so many women would "let themselves go". I was instantly ashamed. I am definitely one of THOSE moms. I stay in my pajamas because I have one pair of jeans and only a handful of shirts. If I wore them everyday I would have nothing to wear when I actually left the house. Sometimes I feel like Cinderella on Sundays because I'm transformed for one day to a woman who curls her hair, wears make-up, and has on half decent clothes. I realize now that I shouldn't let comments like that affect me. I am comfortable with being a mom who wears her pajamas all day. What I wear does not affect my ability to take care of my daughter and husband. :)

Christy Bracken said...

I felt this exact same way for awhile, especially when everyone says how perfect there child is and that motherhood is so easy..IT'S NOT!! For awhile when I was going through hard times of being a mom, your blog was the only one that made me feel better about not being perfect and that life as a mom is hard. I too want to lock Jaden away and just be by myself haha. LOL I also NEVER wear make-up except for Sundays and look pretty plain all the time. I hope my blog is not one that makes you feel bad and know that our life is SO far from perfect. I am also very envious of how crafty and good at sewing you are so for you to say otherwise is crazy!!

Thompson Family said...

Oh my lady stars! seriously, your life is the exact replica of mine! Life is so great and I am so glad that you see past the imperfections to how blessed you are and what you "don't have" I have always looked up to you because of your "peach" attitude and your outlook on life. You seriously never cease to put a smile on my face whenever I read your blog. Lindsey, you are an amazing person, and don't take this personally but, you are a one of a kind, genuine person that everyone should strive to be like in one way or another. Love ya sis!

brightonislove said...

I have so many thoughts going through my head about all this right now so sorry if it seems a bit rambled.

I feel like I know exactly how you feel. I only get on Pinterest to get fun ideas for preschool now. I got tired of pinning things I wanted to do/make but don't have the money for...
I hate having people come to my house because it is always such a disaster. Teaching preschool, chasing a one year old, and being pregnant don't leave much time or energy for cleaning.
I know a comment box is probably not the typically best place to share something like this. But for some reason I feel compelled to share.... I cried and cried when I found out I was pregnant. We make too much for Medicaid and I don't have insurance. But we sure as crap can't afford to pay cash for this baby. I know Heavenly Father told us it was time and I know everything will be ok. But I feel like a bad mom to this baby already because I feel like I'm more stressed about how to get things we need for it, pay for the pregnancy/delivery, etc than being excited. I know I shouldn't, but I do
Ok, before I keep going and tell the world too many of my deep feelings I should stop. But since we can't be real life friends we should be Internet friends or something. I could definitely use a friend that "gets it".....

Markie said...

I'm so glad I'm not alone. I know I don't really talk about negative things on my blog (mainly because I always want to be positive), but I def have some issues in my life haha. And I try REALLY hard to put a little mascara on before Tristan gets home haha. But really I see you as someone who loves life, no matter its curve balls, and someone who is trying to be a good wife and mother. And when I feel envious of someone else's accomplishments I think to myself, I can't wait until I get to a place like that in my life! But honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be a very good seamstress. But maybe one day ;).

Megan said...

Oh my gosh, I love you to pieces!!! I have felt everything you have mentioned here. Honey you are sooooo not alone! That's why I eventually had to give up the whole blog thing altogether. It was just too tempting for me to check all those blogs that usually made me feel less than and then I would regret it afterwards. I knew it would happen and I did it anyway. kind of the same thing with facebook. I had to get out of the habit of checking it so often so that when I did i could just look up certain people and be pleasantly surprised at what had been happening in their life since I last checked. Anyways, its 1pm and I'm still not showered or dressed and my hair is a mess on top of my head and you know what, i'm ok with it. And if you lived closer then we could sit on our couches in our jammies with our nasty hair together and that would be ok too! our kids would still be just as happy and that's what's most important right? And luckily we married wonderful men that will take us in any shape or form and love us no matter what! We're so blessed! I LOVE YOU!!!!

Photographs n Memories said...

I read your post, and thought, that girl seriously motivates me and makes me want to write a blog post like that. Even though it seems like our life is perfect and we are so lucky to find a house, the trip to that point has been hard! And still is. I am jealous that you can go without makeup. My face embarrasses me... I seriously go to bed with makeup on so in the morning my face is somewhat covered. I cry about my face! Phew! Well girl, your awesome and beautiful and sooooo talented And inspire me to write my own "truth be told" post. :)

Chevron andLace said...

I might as well have copied and pasted your post on my blog! Amazing how the wavelengths of our friendship are still in harmony even over all the miles! It must have been that walk we took together that one time...
Seriously, though. I can completely relate. It's nice to know that we have eternity, isn't it. Thanks for being so honest.

Emily said...

I loved this post Lindsey!! haha, thanks for being so honest, and portraying us mothers as things really are! It's so true, there are a million things telling us how "imperfect" we are- It's important to remember that we're all normal! thanks for sharing this!
p.s. when I think of "crafty talented" I think of you! :)